What Now?

Lazy Saturday

Goodness, I didn't mean to take a blog hiatus for over three weeks! The break was due to a combination of spring break, including visiting family in the Land of My Youth, and then coming back to a very busy couple of weeks at school, what with our two revisit days for accepted students (which require me to be ON in a fine but tiring way), an evening lecture on campus, and last night an evening function for our GSA. All went well, but I'm pooped.

So now I'm having a much-needed lazy Saturday. 

. . .

In fact, it's so lazy that I took a break after that last sentence, thinking I'd go eat some lunch, and instead I lay down in bed to talk with D. for a few minutes, and I fell asleep, and I slept for over four hours.

So there's Saturday pretty much over, but I'm getting better and better at saying, "wow, I clearly really needed that nap" instead of beating myself up.

This is a nothing sort of post, but it's my way of saying, "I'm not blog-dead yet!"

Survived

Well, I managed to grade all the things and clean many of the things and live to tell the tale.

It was lovely to see our old friend, and we had a very relaxed evening and then the next morning, talking up a storm.

And then she left at 10:30, and I settled down to do 2+ days' of work in less than a day.

I came home from school today, crawled into bed, and slept hard from 4:30 to 7:30. And I'll be going back to bed pretty soon.

The nice things are the following:

• We now have a house that is cleaner than it has been for several months. Maybe we can keep it looking good for at least a bit?
• There's only one week until spring break.
• Once we get back from break, the spring flies by.

Alums in Burlesque

Well, just one alumna, actually.

A former student of mine from St. Martyr's (so she's probably in her early 30s now) quit her job last year to pursue a life as a burlesque dancer. Apparently she'd been doing it as a sideline before that, but it was only when she went full-time that her former professors learned of it. 

And the way she informed us was to have her burlesque alter-ego (which is apparently how the biz works) friend us on FB. I don't think she friended everyone, just those she thought could handle this other side of her.

And when I say "other side of her," I mean it's an odd experience to see one's former student essentially naked in lots and lots of photos! Apparently she's very good at what she does, winning a prize at some regional burlesque competition a couple of months ago. And she lives in a city that seems to have quite the burlesque scene.

It's been fun to get a peek at a world completely unknown to me, and I'm proud of her that she's thrown caution and stability to the wind to pursue something she really loves. I prefer the unabashed and joyful sexuality of her new career to the sexuality I see in advertising and in the photos of my own recent FGS alums wearing teeny-weensy mini skirts at sorority events.

Bits and Bobs

• Updates on the there's-nothing-to-update front: This week, the FGS administration released the names of all three of the internal candidates for the Academic Dean position. One of them was me, naturally. One of them was someone I was fully expecting to be on the list. She's fabulous, I respect her a lot, and I stopped by her office the next day to tell her that I would happily serve under her as Academic Dean if that's the way to go; she said the same to me (although I think she probably had to in the conversational circumstances!). Unfortunately, the third person was someone who pushes my buttons, and I would actually not happily serve under her if she became dean. She is also the absolute darling of the school's top two administrators, who give her pretty much everything she wants (which of course is one of the reasons she pushes my buttons). So the night I got that news was a bit rocky for me, but I mostly just dealt with it and am getting on with things.

• In fact, when someone stopped by this afternoon to tell me "good luck," I actually wasn't sure what she was talking about until she said "the dean position?" The fact that it was not at the forefront of my mind at all makes me happy -- I'm trying not to stress about it, and I guess I'm succeeding!

• On another note altogether, I've been reading a new-to-me blog, Coffee Shop Rabbi. It has only one major problem: The name of the blog scans perfectly with "Beauty School Dropout" (from Grease), and so whenever a new post pops up in my news reader, I get that song stuck in my head.

• I'm so hooked on the Poirot series these days. It's the only thing I'm interested in watching anymore.

• Thank goodness there's a long weekend coming, because, ye gods, I have a lot of grading to do. And having grading hanging over my head is wearing me out. I know that if I just buckle down and plow through (which, yes, is a mixed metaphor), I'll feel much freer by Tuesday.

What this almost-Jew did for Christmas

I found Christmas Eve quite relaxing, but then today has been a little stressful; I think I was trying to have the perfect Jewish Christmas! In the end, I hit all of the high points of a Jewish Christmas -- a movie and Chinese food -- and perhaps next year I can be more relaxed about this no-longer-my holiday.

I went to the gym first thing this morning, sure that I would have the place to myself. But lo and behold, there was someone else there working out as well. We exchanged Christmas greetings and went about our workouts.

Then D. and I went off to our very first ever Christmas movie. We assumed that it would be us and all the other Jews in our suburb, but apparently going out for the movies on Christmas is a tradition for lots of folks; indeed, the parking lot was packed by the time we left. We totally splurged by sitting in the deluxe balcony area, where we got a delicious burger delivered to our cushy seats -- very fancy.

And the movie we saw was the new Star Wars film. I've never been a Star Wars fan, but D. is, and I'll admit that I liked it well enough, especially the parts that were not like a flying-and-shooting video game.

Then we came home and took a nap, sleeping hard for a couple of hours.

Then we talked to our families on the phone, ordered the de rigeur Chinese food, and watched TV.

I'm about to go to bed early and read, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow, when all the Christmas pressure is off.

I hope you all enjoyed your holiday, however you celebrated it!

Bits and bobs

• This year is overwhelming me. The last time I taught an overload felt much more manageable. Partly it was not a different prep but rather a different section of a course I was already teaching. And partly I wasn't advising two clubs then. And maybe partly because I was six years younger?

• Anyway, the point is, yikes! Tuesdays, in particular, are brutal: I teach six classes and have two club meetings and also meet with my advisees. Exhausting. I've come home every day and taken a nap after school. Fortunately, it's only until December, and I am getting paid well. But I feel like I'm paying a significant personal cost for this financial gain.

• On another point altogether, my plantar fasciitis was acting up terribly last week in my left foot (whereas it was my right foot that hurt so terribly a year and a half ago). The pain in my heel has now subsided entirely, but my achilles tendon on that leg is aching. Needless to say, I haven't been getting in a lot of steps for the last few days.

• I'm losing weight very sloooowly, but I am losing it.

• And yet, I saw myself in a group photo last Thursday and was simply horrified by how I looked. But then I remembered that it was seeing a photo of myself several years ago that made me go on Weight Watchers, and this time I've already been on WW for over a month now and have already lost ten pounds. So the photo is just further motivation to keep going.

• I am dreading, with a capital Dread, fasting on Yom Kippur. In fact, I've already decided that I'm going to drink juice to keep my blood sugar up during the day. Otherwise, I think I'll spend the entire day in bed crying.

• Given my exhaustion and napping habit, plus the mounds of work I need to be doing, I've had this idea that I should get up at 5:00 each morning instead of 6:00 so that I can meditate, practice Hebrew a little, do maybe 15 minutes of yoga, and then do 30 minutes of grading before the day begins. This is a lovely fantasy, and the improbability of its actually happening in no way blemishes the fantasy.

• I think that our upright freezer in the basement is dying, or maybe has already died. But since i don't have the energy to even think about that, I'm just avoiding going into the basement, as though this will make the problem go away for awhile. I had to go downstairs to do laundry today, but I just averted my eyes from the freezer.

• A colleague and I had to present something last week to an administrative committee, one that I had to sit on when I was acting department head. In the few days beforehand, I had about convinced myself that this committee really wasn't as bad as I have made it out to be in my memories. But no, it turns out I was right -- It's a terrible committee! In this case, we were supposed to make a presentation that was seriously only 5 minutes long and involved no agreement or concessions or approval from anyone; it was a courtesy presentation about something interesting that the English department is doing. That 5 minutes stretched to 20 minutes, and we walked out of there feeling like we'd run the gauntlet.

• I'm having a worse time than usual remembering my students' names, which is bumming me out. Now we're at the point that I'm embarrassed I don't have their names down already, so it's more awkward to ask. But I must face the embarrassment this week so that I have them all by the end of the weakness. This name problem is such a weakness for someone in the education business!

A mixed bag

Some good things in the last week, some not:

Good: I had done our taxes over spring break, but then last Wednesday, Tax Day, I mailed two envelopes to the IRS: our revised taxes from 2011 and 2012. With the fall of DOMA, the government said that same-sex couples could redo the previous three years' taxes if we wanted (i.e., if it's in our financial interest to do so). It took me a few hours and lots of puzzling to figure out the proper forms, but in the end, I succeeded -- a bureaucratic success, a financial success (we're getting over $2000 back!), and a moral success.

Bad: D. had a bad weekend, in an unbloggable way (because it's not my story to tell), and when she's unhappy, I'm unhappy.

Good: Because I'm a good spouse, today I brought home from Trader Joe's good beer, chocolate, and tulips, and I picked up delicious burritos for dinner. Sensory comforts may not solve problems, but they certainly make it easier to bear up underneath said problems. She's definitely having a better night tonight.

Bad: I had my B'Nei Mitzvah class this morning, and we took turns reading our Hebrew lessons out loud and translating ... and I was terrible! I stumbled my way through the reading, and my mind went blank about vocabulary, and then I got nervous and embarrassed and started doing even worse. I may be in the advanced beginner group, but I'm definitely the worst one in that group. This is not my preferred ranking! I was really bummed out after class, but now I'm going to try to make it motivate me so that I'll avoid future embarrassment of the same kind. I know what I need to do: brief episodes of studying every day instead of cramming on the weekends. Now I just need to make myself do it.

Good: I don't always love a post-apocalyptic YA novel, but I read Veronica Roth's Divergent this weekend, and I really liked it. Fortunately, I also checked out from the library the remaining two books in the trilogy, so I can start the next one tonight.

and Spring Break draws to a close

Yesterday, Day 11 of 11, saw much less "getting shit done" and more "puttering about, making progress on several things but not finishing any of them." And I'm okay with that as the last day of spring break. I went to b'nei mitzvah class in the morning and had a good hour of wrestling with Hebrew, and I graded about half of a small assignment from my freshmen (I'll grade the other half today in between meetings -- not a terribly big deal), and then I stopped work altogether by about 3:00. I went to the gym, showered, had an early dinner with a friend, and then came home and went to bed by 8:30 and finished reading a novel. So now I'm ready to begin school again.

All told, it was a fine break indeed:

I may not have travelled to exotic locales as some of my more well-heeled colleagues did, but I had the big Jewish coming out with my family, which was huge.

I didn't lose 5 pounds, but I exercised every single day once I was back in town, and I'm feeling stronger and as though I'm standing up straighter than I have in a long time.

I didn't get the house cleaned, but I did get parts of it cleaned and am enjoying those rooms so much that I hope I'm motivated to keep the process going. (I keep telling myself, just 20 minutes a day!)

I didn't get our taxes done, but they're all done except for one number, and I've sent an email to the appropriate agency to get that number. So this should be a matter of minutes to finish up.

I didn't get all of my schoolwork done, but I did quite a lot, and I should be fine heading into this week. I've started the countdown to summer, but I've also come up with new assignments for both my seniors and my freshmen, so I'm trying to keep things lively and engaging for the last long haul.

And, despite the coughing fit I had in temple on Friday night (most embarrassing), I think I've got my health back after being sick for most of February and half of March.

Not a bad two weeks at all! And I'm looking forward to going to school today and seeing colleagues, which is itself a sign of a good spring break.

Days 8 and 9 of 11

Totally forgot to blog, but I'm liking the idea of recording spring break, so I'm catching up here.

Thursday: 

Did the second Couch-to-5K workout, and it neither rained nor hailed on me. Progress! It was crazy cold, though, and it was hard work.

Made Hebrew flashcards for the vocabulary I'm learning.

Met with the rabbi and had a great conversation. He clearly thinks I'm doing great on this journey to conversion, and I like that now our meetings start with his saying, "So, what do you want to talk about today?" That is, I'm past the point where he's giving me specific homework so that I can cover the basics.

D. had been wanting to rewatch one of her favorite movies, The Quarrel, for a while now, so we watched it in the evening. Such a good movie, but also so sad and poignant. So then we watched an episode of Star Trek: Next Generation that starred Saul Rubinek, who was in The Quarrel. It helped to see him as an outer space obsessed criminal art collector instead of a rabbi who lost his family in the Holocaust -- a much more relaxing end to the day.

Friday: 

Cleaned the kitchen floor -- something I should do every week or so but hadn't done in a disgracefully long while. It's amazing how much bigger our small kitchen looks when the floor is clean.

Also started cleaning in the dining room. I'm afraid that this room becomes the dumping ground, but I really want to get back to having a Shabbat evening ritual, and that requires a clean dining room. I didn't achieve that goal for last night, but I did make progress.

Also graded a few more Merchant of Venice essays, but still didn't finish them. Such a slow pace! The upside of that slow pace is that I really have been reading each essay as a distinctive, individual piece; sometimes I worry when I'm slogging through a batch of essays that I'm no longer having a conversation with an individual student but am thinking of them collectively as a whole.

Read more of Understanding by Design and started writing up discussion questions. I'm co-leading a book group on this book at school, starting on Wednesday, and so I needed to make some progress on that front.

Went to the gym.

Went to Shabbat services, where we had a great guest speaker -- a lovely night, although it went much later than is normally the case for Friday night services. So then I was still wired at 10:00 and decided to do some Hebrew studying. That was productive but didn't help me wind down, so I put it away and read a novel for a little bit before finally turning out the light at midnight.

Now, of course, I'm halfway through a novel for fun, but I have to read a short novel for school by Tuesday as well. Plus, finish the grading. And maybe finish taxes. Yikes!

Day 7 of 11

Woke up at a reasonable hour but stayed in bed to finish reading a mystery -- heavenly indulgence!

Went to the gym.

Went to therapy.

Went to Costco, in large part because I was determined to hit 10,000 steps for the day, but it was too cold and windy to enjoyable walk outside. Made that goal by walking around inside the store, and also got a nice rotisserie chicken for our dinner.

Watched an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Have I mentioned that D. and I are watching the entire series straight through? I never really watched any of the Star Trek series back in the day, but D. has taken on what she calls my "classical education" and shown me the important episodes in the original series. And then I got interested in the second series, and thanks to Netflix, we've been working through them in steady fashion. Who doesn't like to watch Patrick Stewart, and I've also developed a warm love for Data.

Talked with D. about Jewish stuff.

Finally buckled down and did some serious Hebrew work; I need to be doing 10-15 minutes a day, but I'm also going to have to dedicate an hour or so at the start of each lesson. I'm in Ch. 4 of the Hebrew Primer (the first three chapters are all about the alphabet), which means I'm now learning some vocabulary and learning the perfect tense.

And now going to bed. I've gotten into my usual habit during school breaks of staying up later and getting up later, but I need to start weaning myself off of this preferred schedule and moving myself to my earlier school schedule. (I always say this is what I'm going to do, and I always fail to do so, such that I go back to school completely short of sleep and take a few days to adjust.)