Well, the academic dean position was advertised almost immediately. And the description is exactly what the current dean has been doing -- which is to say, not exactly what I'm interested in -- except with the addition of teaching one course. Now, the teaching of a course is exactly what I do want, and what an academic dean always should have been doing all along, so that's good, but the rest of it sounds pretty boring. So much for my theory that the new head of school might want to redesign the position! But perhaps she's following the reasonable plan of not making any changes in her first year in a new school.
I spent a few days winding myself up and deciding first, "Yes, I'll definitely apply," and then, "No, I'm not going to apply; I love teaching more than meetings!" and then, "Well, I'll apply but I'll be really clear about the ways in which I'd change the position," to "Is there any point in applying since I obviously won't get it?" and then back to the beginning. (In fact, I managed to get so stressed about it that I apparently was chewing on the side of my tongue in my sleep and had a very difficult couple of days in which eating really hurt. But I seem to have lost a pound or two because of that painful eating, so that's a nice outcome to an otherwise unpleasant experience.)
As it happens, a neighboring independent school is also advertising for an academic dean, and their position sounds SO much more interesting! Really, it's similar in inspiration to the job I applied for last year. But mostly this is just about how the position is described; I think the duties are probably not all that different. And I'm not interested in switching schools just now, so I'm not going to apply for that position.
So here's what I finally decided this weekend and am feeling at peace about: I wrote a cover letter responding to the more exciting ad at the neighboring school, but I'm sending it to FGS! And I described only two things I would change, one of which is simply bringing back something that fell by the wayside a few years ago. The other change perhaps strays too far into "here's what's wrong with the way it's been done under the current administration" territory, so I may wind up deleting it.
This morning I finished drafting the letter, and now I'm putting it away for two days. I'll look at it again on Wednesday and tweak/revise it as needed, and then I'll submit it and try to think no more about it. (So far, my pledge to myself not to open the document until Wednesday has already been broken once, as I was writing this blog post, but it was because I thought of something really important to include.)
I am submitting this application knowing full well that I may not even be considered for the job, depending on who is doing the selecting. I know full well that some FGS administrators consider me overly emotional, and if they are in charge of the hiring process, I will be out. But I've mostly decided I don't care. If I don't get the job -- and that is indeed the likelihood -- I will stay in my great job in my great classroom and will apply next year for a sabbatical. And it's not a bad thing for those in administration to know that I'm interested in new opportunities, even if I don't really get a crack at this one. I'm sure that I will shed some tears if I don't even get an interview, but it won't be a vital wound by any stretch of the imagination.
So that's the plan. And as of Wednesday afternoon, the letter will be submitted, and I can get on with other things!