Way back in December, I said that I either needed to lose some weight or get some new clothes. And then I had dental surgery, and I had a cough that I just couldn't shake, and my foot got really gimpy, and ... and the long and the short of it is that I actually gained weight.
In fact, I gained enough weight over this winter that most of my work pants are now way too tight. Sucking in one's stomach to get pants buttoned and zipped up is bad enough, but then having those pants be unflatteringly too tight in the butt as well as super uncomfortable for the rest of the day is too much. Life is too short to be uncomfortable and self-conscious in one's clothes, and I didn't like the sensation of punishing myself for gaining weight by reminding myself of that weight gain with every single breath in my too-tight clothes.
So over the weekend I did some exploring in the cedar closet in our basement. Part of it is well-organized, with out-of-season clothes stacked on shelves; the rest of it is sort of a dumping ground for old clothes that we can't quite get rid of, either because we think we might want them again or because we're just lazy. (Probably the latter most of the time.)
And lo and behold, I found two pairs of old fat pants! Voila, something to wear to work!
I know that when one loses weight, as I did a few years ago, the standard advice is to get rid of the old, bigger clothes, because you don't want to make it too easy to slip back into one's old, fatter ways. But apparently I ignored that advice a few years ago, and I'm glad now that I did.
Not that I am just giving up and saying, "well, I guess I'll be on the bigger side; no big deal." By no means.
But the thing is that having clothes that I actually feel decent and comfortable in for work has been such a boost for my self-esteem and my energy! Yesterday I went to the gym before school, took a brief walk at lunch with a colleague, and then went for a serious, around-the-lake walk with another colleague. Of course, that meant I was already worn out when I got to physical therapy, and I clearly overdid it yesterday and now have a hurting foot as a result, and my muscles were aching so much last night that I kept waking up. So, yeah, not the wisest move I could have made. But I was just feeling so newly positive about life, so convinced that it's possible for me to be healthy and strong and energetic and reasonably lithe (in a middle-aged sort of way), that I just wanted to go, go, go!
My physical therapist told me to take it easy today, and I probably would have done so anyway because I'm really tired from yesterday. But I've made wise eating choices, and I made sure to go to bed early last night, and on both days this week so far I've been pretty thoughtful about what I am and am not going to let myself get stressed about.
In other words, I've actually been taking care of myself as though I were a real human being who deserves to be taken care of.
And I credit it all to the fat pants. Sure, I'm hoping that I can stick them back in the cedar closet pretty soon and go back to wearing my thinner pants, but I'm very grateful for what they're doing for me right now.