After a weekend of not sleeping very well over the whole business with my colleague (plus probably the cold that walloped me on Thursday), I had a good conversation this afternoon with the academic dean. Turns out that (1) she still thinks that my idea of having this colleague teach this particular course is a good idea and that it's definitely still a possibility; (2) she is working hard to get this colleague back up to full time for next year (something that no one actually bothered to tell my colleague, for heaven's sake!); (3) the pissy email from the head of school was mostly in response to something else the colleague had done and not exactly about this situation; and (4) I handled the whole situation just fine last week, so no worries there.
So that's the good news, which I was able to report back to my department chair and to my colleague. Yay!
The less good news is that, I'm afraid, I started crying when I talked with the academic dean. Yeah, super polished there. I had just been so stressed about it for almost four days that as soon as I started talking about it, I kind of lost it and teared up. Fortunately, if one is going to cry in front of the dean, FGS is not a bad place to do that ... unlike the time I burst into tears in front of the dean at St. Martyr's, which didn't go nearly as well. Sigh. This is just something I know about myself -- I'm a weeper, and there's only so much I can do to control it. I have cried in front of this dean more than once, and she is always very nice about it, even though I'm always very embarrassed afterward. Ah well.
I wish that I could learn not to ruminate about these things, but that seems to be a lesson that remains permanently outside my abilities. But at least I've learned to try to address things as soon as I can, which cuts down on time for rumination. If it hadn't been for the snow day combined with the weekend, I would have been able to talk with the dean much sooner. I guess if one can't change one's personality, one can at least learn to work around it.
Since I'm still sick and hacking up a lung and have almost no voice left after a day of teaching, and since I haven't slept well for several nights in a row, and since I'm emotionally worn out, I'm completely ignoring the Othello essays I should be grading for my sophomores and instead lying on the couch eating Kettle Corn and watching a kitten episode of Too Cute from Animal Planet. (I have an older friend who, distressingly, broke her hip a few days ago; Too Cute has become standard fare for her in these first couple of days back home.) My plan is to be in bed before 9:00 and to start fresh tomorrow.
Any chance you're hypoglycemic and going in full of fiber and protein could lessen emotional responses to shocks?
OMG, we love too cute so much.
Posted by: nicoleandmaggie | March 12, 2013 at 08:14 AM
Hang in there--break is coming soon! I'm glad that the situation appears to be resolving. Don't forget that your compassion and capacity for caring are part of the whole package that makes you so valuable at FGS!
Posted by: meansomething | March 12, 2013 at 07:29 PM
I'm glad things are looking up a bit. Hope your cough stops soon.
And what meansomething said is so true: your occasional weepiness is just one side of a bunch of personality traits that make you a wonderful colleague.
Posted by: Susan | March 12, 2013 at 10:50 PM
Thank you for that generous way of reframing my tendency to weep -- I appreciate it and will hold onto it!
Posted by: What Now? | March 14, 2013 at 05:18 PM