After a weekend of not sleeping very well over the whole business with my colleague (plus probably the cold that walloped me on Thursday), I had a good conversation this afternoon with the academic dean. Turns out that (1) she still thinks that my idea of having this colleague teach this particular course is a good idea and that it's definitely still a possibility; (2) she is working hard to get this colleague back up to full time for next year (something that no one actually bothered to tell my colleague, for heaven's sake!); (3) the pissy email from the head of school was mostly in response to something else the colleague had done and not exactly about this situation; and (4) I handled the whole situation just fine last week, so no worries there.
So that's the good news, which I was able to report back to my department chair and to my colleague. Yay!
The less good news is that, I'm afraid, I started crying when I talked with the academic dean. Yeah, super polished there. I had just been so stressed about it for almost four days that as soon as I started talking about it, I kind of lost it and teared up. Fortunately, if one is going to cry in front of the dean, FGS is not a bad place to do that ... unlike the time I burst into tears in front of the dean at St. Martyr's, which didn't go nearly as well. Sigh. This is just something I know about myself -- I'm a weeper, and there's only so much I can do to control it. I have cried in front of this dean more than once, and she is always very nice about it, even though I'm always very embarrassed afterward. Ah well.
I wish that I could learn not to ruminate about these things, but that seems to be a lesson that remains permanently outside my abilities. But at least I've learned to try to address things as soon as I can, which cuts down on time for rumination. If it hadn't been for the snow day combined with the weekend, I would have been able to talk with the dean much sooner. I guess if one can't change one's personality, one can at least learn to work around it.
Since I'm still sick and hacking up a lung and have almost no voice left after a day of teaching, and since I haven't slept well for several nights in a row, and since I'm emotionally worn out, I'm completely ignoring the Othello essays I should be grading for my sophomores and instead lying on the couch eating Kettle Corn and watching a kitten episode of Too Cute from Animal Planet. (I have an older friend who, distressingly, broke her hip a few days ago; Too Cute has become standard fare for her in these first couple of days back home.) My plan is to be in bed before 9:00 and to start fresh tomorrow.