Okay, I took my last post down because I decided that it was too whiny and needy even for a semi-pseudonymous blog! But I did save your supportive comments, which I very much appreciate.
The good news is that life is looking better today than it was this weekend or even yesterday. Hitting rock bottom will do that to a person ... or, rather, hitting bottom and then starting to rebound.
Here's how things turned around: This morning, getting teary on the way to school, I remembered that it was still February. And February always sucks. I know this, but I somehow forget it every year. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago I congratulated myself on getting through January because I do always remember that January is a hard month. So why do I forget about February? On the one hand, there's something not right about being blue for a good two months every winter (plus a couple of weeks every fall when I really start noticing the shorter days). On the other hand, there's something to be said for recognizing that the cause of one's misery is the calendar and not anything more existential.
So a couple of times today when colleagues asked, "Hi, how are you?," I said, "Oh, I've got a touch of the February blues." And both times the other person said, "Oh my god, me too. Why is this always such a hard month?" So that made me feel better. I still teared up a little on my drive home ... but I took that drive home kind of early, ducking out of school before the end of the day (I don't teach the last period on Wednesday). I came home, put on sweats, and immediately lay down on the couch and drank a diet Coke and ate a ton of Kettle Corn and watched a British murder mystery. And then when it was over I slept really hard for an hour and a half on the couch. And when I woke up, I amazingly felt much better about life than I have in a week.
So I decided to cement my improved attitude by not doing any work tonight (even though I have grading I should have done) and instead watch four episodes of Modern Family while drinking a wine spritzer and doing laundry. Much better.
Plus D. was feeling much more cheerful and optimistic today ... and then this evening she got invited to interview for a summer teaching position! So fingers crossed!
But I'm glad that we were both already feeling more optimistic and remembering that life is good even before she got that positive news.
I need to embroider "February sucks" on a throw pillow or something so that I don't forget and get surprised by its suckiness every damn year. But fortunately, it's a short month -- only 8 more days. We'll make it.